This blog is a satire of the now-defunct ICQ chat service, which is thankfully dead because I destroyed it.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

I Am the Master: But It Matters Not






Most people here probably get scared when they think about the inevitability of the demise of mankind. Everyone we've ever spoken to will someday die, and mankind, too, will eventually be snuffed out like a flickering light bulb that finally gives out and is vibrant no longer. Most people choose to ignore their impending, inevitable death, while others try in vain to stave it off by pumping themselves full of vitamins and worrying constantly; added stress that ironically tends to kill them off long before their own time is up.

Nobody wants to realize that we're in a period as dangerous as that which was faced during the Cuban Missile crisis; worse, perhaps, since all the signs are present that the world economy is about to go completely belly up; a rise in plutocratic haves and the underclass have nots, the prevalence of speculation, a lack of investment, and so forth. Further, when the Cuban Missile crisis erupted, not enough nuclear weapons actually existed to destroy the world; urban areas in nuclear states themselves yes, and enough to irradiate the surrounding regions, but not enough for utter annihilation. This changed in the 1980s as the USSR mass produced thousands of new ICBM systems and the US continued to develop more and more sophisticated delivery methods. If a nuclear war erupted tomorrow nobody would survive, in all truth, due in part to an order of magnitude more radiation than the weapons would deposit, being spewed out of every ruined nuke plant on the earth's surface. We'd be lucky afterwards to see perhaps 50,000 survivors scattered across the world, all radioactive and sterile, all starving. We'd be lucky if large swaths of the world were fertile enough to even resemble the surface of the moon at that point.

How does this relate to ICQ, you may ask? Think about anyone you have ever chatted to there and think of their corpse blistered under a darkened sun, radioactive clouds furling around their carbonized skulls- because at the rate this world is degrading into chaos, that possibility is becoming more prevalent. Those with a severe normalcy bias appear to believe that the period between the fall of the USSR and 9-11 crafted some sort of new norm; that the world was in no danger, and that the cold war would never again trouble mankind- but it is back and nations everywhere are ill equipped to deal with it.

I am now the undisputed master of ICQ but when that final era comes, in which mankind faces its most trying test since the great bottleneck caused by a supervolcano at Toba erupting around 70,000 years ago, I will presumably be a charred corpse like all of the rest of you. Let that sink in good and hard for a moment and think of mankind being annihilated. The last surviving humans would probably be those on the ISS, looking down at the mushroom clouds and radioactive ash helplessly as they realize everyone they too knew has been vaporized or stricken with severe radiation poisoning.

I just thought it would do you all some good to realize that.

Oh and in the Fallout universe the great war's final act, the release of the atomic weapons, occurred on October 23rd. If we're really lucky the canon there will become reality sometime soon and mankind can sigh in relief that he no longer has to worry about dying because he's already dead. I am unworried. I played enough Fallout and watched Doctor Strangelove enough to almost want a nuclear war to erupt. Part of me hopes Putin's jets will scramble and fire on some F16s or visa-versa and the final war will begin, just so I can spend my last days drunk and chuckling as my flesh sizzles and sloughs off my meat.


You folks do realize this sort of scenario hasn't happened since World War Two, right? Please tell me I'm not the only one who realizes this?

1 comment:

  1. Actually George said that icq will shut down during next week. Dunno if it's just a threat so that people join the libra server.

    ReplyDelete