This blog is a satire of the now-defunct ICQ chat service, which is thankfully dead because I destroyed it.

Monday, November 17, 2014

lock AKA lock25 the Pakistani Predicts the 2016 Election Outcome

lock's crystal ball prediction


Lock, who has spent the last three or so years continuously predicting the demise of the dollar and of the USA in general (and who envisions a future where Pakistan is a major power and equal to their apparent Chinese "allies") has made yet another astonishing and no doubt prophetic prediction.

According to lock, Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden are the only two people who can be elected the next time around- in essence, according to lock, the outcome of both the primaries of the DNC and the general election are both pre-determined. He bases his theory on the assumption that Goldman-Sachs will back one of the two, ensuring victory.

That Goldman-Sachs backed both Obama and Romney and has continuously played both sides of the field is evident- that Hillary very likely has a brain tumor and Biden is a marble-mouthed lackey who came in 5th the last time around in the primaries is clear- but lock insists that his prediction is correct anyways.

In a more realistic mindset; the GOP would have to field a weak-as-fuck candidate like Jindal in order to lose the next election. They have literally every advantage, including a new crop of incumbents, and momentum (plus several formerly swing states currently becoming more red over time, and moving out of reach for even Hillary- who is a dixiecrat.) The odds of us seeing Joe Biden become the president are essentially zero, since he would be out-debated handily by a cardboard box with an animatronic dildo spinning around inside of it. As for Hillary, she could very well be nominated assuming she doesn't stroke out and go into grinning vegetable mode before 2016, but because of the chance of this unfortunate type of event and because she blows a gasket and launches into extremely ill-advised, catty verbal tirades every time she gets criticized, I honestly can't see her doing more than providing logistical support and Bubba's speaking talents to whoever she wants to ingratiate herself to.

Then again, having Hillary on your team is career suicide- or literal suicide if you happen to know too much about her financial records or where the proverbial and literal bodies are buried.

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