This blog is a satire of the now-defunct ICQ chat service, which is thankfully dead because I destroyed it.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Baaaz and the Goofy Ways of Islamic Warfare

"wat let u bring my wife come here should i attack your wife 2 or u womans ?"
Baaaz explains his warfare tactics.

Baaaz has now explained his combat tactics to the #middle_east community, indicating that he intends to lure in his opponents women in order to attack them- this is amusing considering that baaaz would require a crane to get up if he fell down due to his morbid obesity.

I hear that baaaz, who almost certainly lives in a shack in some mountains or hills in his steppe territory, occasionally waits until opponents pass below his rocky outcropping and then fires arrows at them before descending to loot their corpse (of course this only applies to his minecraft activities.)

In the real world, the gay baaaz is a goofy, chuckling man who enjoys baclava and painting his home in pastels while reruns of Queer Eye blast on his 80s era television- it isn't clear if these activities are perceived as homosexual in Pakistan or if their highly censored, uneducated culture thinks it's just "yank celebrity television."

I hear that he's very good at minecraft and has an extensive underground fortification with rows of arrow dispensers and TNT traps not to mention areas where the unwary fall into a sea of lava lined with cave spider spawners- the keyboard rests on his voluminous belly as he commands legions of tamed wolves and iron golems into battle against weaker opponents, sometimes laying siege to entire towns and burning them to the ground while roaring with laughter.

Little does baaaz know that Lennon on minecraft is known to field an array of barbarian warriors with enchanted bows and camouflaged leather armor which lets his soldiers cross through forest and steppe alike unseen, with dozens of wolves and poison potions, ready to explode allah's skull. I already destroyed a minecraft kabba replica once and it was orgasmic.

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