This blog is a satire of the now-defunct ICQ chat service, which is thankfully dead because I destroyed it.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Tom Prophet and the Cirrhosis Stone



The history of tom is somewhat vague, riddled with inconsistencies, hidden as though long lost in the dark corner of a forsaken library, whose dim bulbs provide only scant, transient light to the rows and rows of ancient, forgotten tomes.

What we know is this- that tom is from the first wave of ICQ users way back in the 1990s and was the actual founder of #christianity back when it was a private room- but that for some reason the room got popular enough to be listed, and subsequently taken over by regular moderation; this apparently displeased tom, who has, since the room was delisted, complained several times that it ought to once again become his own private dictatorship, to no avail.

We also know that tom makes frequent "missionary journeys" to #atheism in an attempt to gain converts- I'm not sure why he bothers, since the room is mainly populated by hardline atheists who troll him back out of the room when he arrives.

In the wake of the delisting, when it became apparent to him that his former empire would not be restored, tom took advantage of the situation and attempted to found a new, privately run christian chatroom- #christian, which never saw more than 5 or 6 people using it and quickly became deserted.

That is the end of the known history of the legendary tomprophet- all else is pure speculation.

Or is it?

Tomprophet has also spent time recanting revelations he gave to the entire room years ago (in vain, for logs exist of the conversation) during one of his more lucid (or more drunk) moments. Still, this hasn't slowed him down in his attempts to convert the nonbelievers, which seems to have been his primary goal in founding the room in the first place.

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