This blog is a satire of the now-defunct ICQ chat service, which is thankfully dead because I destroyed it.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

The Top Ten Lennon Achievements of 2013

And now the moment you have all been waiting for, the first annual end-of-the-year top ten list celebrating the top ten achievements of JohnLennon on ICQ during the 2013 season!

10. Invading #ICQ-Australia for two weeks straight, encouraging chatters to "let me put my dreaded one eyed bogansnake in their sheila holes" and telling them about my boomerang balls and about how every organism in the continent is lethally poisonous.

9. Invading #ICQ_India and noting that Ganesha was a homosexual that used to have sex with his brother while his parents shat on each other... for five days straight.

8. Getting slightly drunk and actually having an amicable conversation with GrandWazoo after changing IPs and nicks, so he didn't know it was me- apparently if you suck up to his closeted German nationalism, he likes you more. He still doesn't realize this. (heehee.)

7. Damaging lock's credibility so badly that he stopped using that nick and started going berserk any time I was present.

6. "Borrowing" PrincessZ's nick because she was being disruptive- she doesn't seem to have returned since that episode. I chuckle because I end up punishing other trolls, just to weed out the competition of weaker opponents.

5. Trolling several hundred muslim men over the course of a week by using PrincessZ to make them think I was female, then getting them horny with my wily ways, then abruptly inserting *whips out his nice hard white schlong* right as they're really getting into the roleplay. Oddly a few of these islamists didn't realize this meant "penis" or they were actually bisexual and didn't care.

4. Noticing that Fiat_Lux had returned for a one night special- and promptly making the room so hostile for him that he left again, never to return.

3. Realizing that my entire IP range was preemptively banned on dalnet, because they realized I had gotten word of several chatters who had fled there, and knew I was likely to pursue them. My reputation precedes me!

2. Managing on one occasion to actually outdo the 2010-2012 raids with one all night raid that devastated three rooms at the same time.

1. Getting baaaz to abandon his original nick for months, during which time he only sporadically came online because I had half the room attacking him- apparently I helped to start a sectarian conflict between the shia and sunni chatters in #middle_east, with baaaz being the butt of every joke.

And as always, remember the famous Lennon motto

"In the sunset...
In the sunrise...
I will always be there"

Lennon prepares for a prolonged conflict.

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