This blog is a satire of the now-defunct ICQ chat service, which is thankfully dead because I destroyed it.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

The Retarded Bots of ICQ

What do you get when you mix censorship-happy Israeli coders' bots that then get taken over by inept coders from AOL? Autobot!

I've already pointed out how easy it is to abuse some of the privately loaded bots on ICQ- but I haven't yet covered the topic of autobot, the friendly and inevitable face greeting all users on ICQ's chatrooms.

Complaints about autobot abound- it seems it hasn't been updated more than slightly since the 1990s, and resembles the evil robot from "2001: A Space Odyssey" more than the sleek protectors of any good science fiction film.

Because ICQ was originally developed by Israelis, it's no surprise that merely saying "Hitler" will get you kicked and then banned from whatever room you're in- recently "Mongol" was also added to the list of words that shouldn't be banned but are. I keep expecting them to make ICQ G-rated and ban "butthole" and "peepee" too so we can be managed like the unruly schoolchildren we all supposedly are.

The bot is also notoriously bad at controlling spam- especially for users with inventive scripts who can speak with impunity and destroy rooms with thousands of lines before autobot stops them (however those who don't script will be magically banned for typing too quickly- secretaries be forewarned!)

AOL then took over ICQ and made things far worse- a company not even able to stabilize a proper mail service can't really be trusted with a fairly popular chat site- for a while this resulted in near-constant netsplits and problems loading rooms. AOL is the rectum of the net.

Now (A Russian email service) runs ICQ and thankfully they seem to actually understand how websites are run- but that hasn't helped autobot to suck less- interestingly any "bad word" with an i or L in it can be used without a ban by just replacing the two letters, as in using an uppercase L for the i in "BlTCH" (on ICQ, i and L look the same to any user not using certain scripts.)

Autobot actually reminds me a bit of C3PO from Star Wars when he gets fucked up and fixed improperly by Chewbacca- although C3PO could still speak multiple languages without banning those around him like a soviet era propaganda minister.

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