This blog is a satire of the now-defunct ICQ chat service, which is thankfully dead because I destroyed it.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

The Day the "Microsoft Tech Support" Scammers Called Me and Got Trolled


Earlier today an indian scammer decided to call up, claiming to be from Microsoft tech support, claiming that my computer might be infected with malware, and asking me to get to the computer and turn it on.

Right away I figured it was a sort of scam, because Microsoft tech support never calls out and usually you have to go through ten different on-hold periods and at least three operators to get to anyone at Microsoft that can help you- if you're lucky they're from India instead of being in Haiti or Colombia or some far more godforsaken locale in the deep third world.

When the fairly obvious scammer told me "you need to press the windows button and 'r' at the same time" I instead stalled for time and googled that exact command- lo and behold one of the first results was a telephone scam page where people were remarking on the same group calling them and telling them to do the same thing.

Now here's where my own personal amusement comes in- a little switch tactic that I like to use on scammers when they call me.

If you have ever heard of a soundboard prank call this will probably be more amusing to you than if you haven't- a soundboard prank is where recordings of celebrities (or prank call victims) are compiled into a program which allows you to use (through skype or similar programs) simple buttons to harass other people by phone using those same recordings- one of these recordings happens to be of an indian restaurant owner named Walsh, who was himself the victim of many pranks.



A soundboard featuring recordings of indian restaurant owner Walsh is used to attack telemarketers.


I don't have access to the proper equipment to make a soundboard call, but I do a very good indian impersonation, so I chose a few lines from the Walsh calls and the scammer promptly hung up on me right after I said "You are the son of a hundred fathers" and right as I was saying "You gaandu bastard motherfucker!"

Thankfully because they called me (and because what they're doing is illegal) I could harass them with impunity- in fact I am considering calling them back over and over with the walsh soundboard through speakerphone- since it's an illegal, offshore scam company they can do exactly jack shit to stop me.

One man from malwarebytes actually recorded a session with the scammers in which they attack various files when he deliberately enters the wrong paypal info (these scammers, if allowed, will instruct the user to pay their company for "software renewal.")

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