This blog is a satire of the now-defunct ICQ chat service, which is thankfully dead because I destroyed it.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

RoBBiE_ThIrD and the Chamber of Secretions

Burn the fluffehs!


RoBBiE_ThIrD is one of those chatters that spends most of his time (or did in the past) complaining about the very existence of nonbelievers.

Born in the nifty fifties, a child of two severely fundamentalist parents, the young Robbie spent his childhood playing with twine and a stick- he would use the twine to tie up nonbelievers and gays and beat them with the stick.

Progressing to his teen years, the rebellious teenaged Robbie experimented with the most harmful drug known to man- religion; having spent his younger years merely calling himself a believer he now joined the armies of christ on their vengeful war on all humanity, and began to torture animals and sacrifice to the evil spirit jesus.

Later in life, Robbie found out that the internet existed- he quickly adapted to this new cyberterritory and began a lengthy ministry- the church of Robbie had only three rules- firstly, no women were allowed- secondly, that no liberals were allowed- and third, that they would only meet online (because Robbie felt that acne was a sign of sinful self-stimulation and didn't want to see the pizza-faces of his friends smeared with shining lines of semen-soaked peach fuzz facial hair.)

Unfortunately, RoBBiE would later suffer a mild stroke which put his ministry on hold- reactions to this ranged from the sympathetic, to the ambivalent, to my own reaction which was something along the lines of "if any nonbeliever had suffered a stroke and been offline for a month, RoBBiE would be laughing and saying it was gods' wrath." I found it funny that if he judged himself the way he judges others, he'd see jesus was kicking his ass for his own sins.

To RoBBiE, who honestly thinks a woman wearing jeans is an automatic hellbound sinner, his own sins don't exist, and unlike every other thing that ever happens, was pure coincidence and not ordained by god for some helpful purpose.

RoBBiE explains his view of women who wear jeans or makeup.

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