This blog is a satire of the now-defunct ICQ chat service, which is thankfully dead because I destroyed it.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

JohnLennon Submits the new flag of Lennon, And Tackles Key Issues

The new flag of Lennon- black representing the rich soils of agriculture, white representing purity of deed, yellow representing material riches, and the black eagle of war.

ISSUE 1: Immigration

All people should be welcome on ICQ- immigration policy should be centered on barring entry to those affected by lunacy, especially that which masquerades as religion but is really just disaffected pathology. All chatters should be screened for STDs regularly, especially those in #20_somethings which probably meet up and fist each others' assholes.

ISSUE 2: War Policy

ICQ should train both the civilian and moderating population in the art of war- in this manner, hundreds of soldiers can be quickly mobilized to overwhelm other chat sites with spam and destroy them.

ISSUE 3: Moralism, Pluralism, or Secularism?

The site should remain pluralistic in nature, discouraging calls for greater moralistic approach, at the same time equally discouraging calls for greater secularism, such that public discourse may reign freely and the best systems chosen voluntarily by the parties thereof.

ISSUE 4: Impeachment Process

The balance of power being split between IRCops (a stand in for the executive branch) chanops (a stand in for a Senate structure) private rooms and their owners (a stand in for corporations) and the chatting population at large, should continue to operate in its present manner- however, both IRCops and chanops should be considered by other moderators for removal, should they abuse their power. Private rooms ought to remain sentient, as their population will dwindle due to abuse anyways.

ISSUE 5: The influx of Islam into ICQ

ICQ should make it clear on all rooms not specifically devoted to the topic of islam that convert seeking is discouraged (and, amusingly, illegal in some of the nations where ICQ has servers.) For a long time, ICQ has ignored the problem, and it has continued to grow, forcing the use of private militia against the threat of islamofascism on the site, culminating in the destruction of the muslims' own room.

ISSUE 6: Surveillance and Censorship

ICQ ought to be utterly free of all forms of censorship except as it relates to illegal content or excessive vulgarity- experiments with making "Mongol" or "Hitler" automatic ban words are pointless, and confuse many newcomers, who don't understand why they have banned, and don't know enough about the site to go to ophelp and ask for an explanation. Surveillance should be limited in use and should never include the monitoring of private messages except in cooperation with law enforcement (as is probably the case with many islamic males on the site, who don't care how old a person is and will sexually harass them anyways.)

ISSUE 7: The registration/nickserv system

The GHOST command ought to be brought back- and the arbitrary limit on number of registered nicknames ought to be done away with, as it does nothing to prevent users from using multiple emails to register far greater numbers of nicknames on the site. If the arbitrary limit is preserved, though, it ought to be enforced- as a number of users maintain more than this allowable limit of names and aren't punished for it even though their running lists of nicks are well known to regulars in the rooms they tend to frequent.

ISSUE 8: Mercenaries, Raids, Hunting down Retards

ICQ ought to consider creating a new classification of users, perhaps entitled "MERCops" which would be composed of a few dozen or so users from the general chat populous, who are well organized and technologically literate- the purpose of this new classification being threefold:

a. To hunt down, harass, disrupt, and attempt to drive out convert seekers who continually raise problems.

b. To target, entrap, and report those who attempt to use ICQ for illegal purposes so they can be banned or turned in as the case may be: (drug deals, sex predators, prostitution, greencard seeking, etc.) This is all endemic in rooms where islamists gather, as anyone who has experimented with a female-sounding nick knows.

c. The ability to mask themselves as actual chanops to report on their activities. Someone has to police the police, so to speak.

In this manner, the MERCops would bring greater accountability to a large number of chanops, and could split the spine of the islamists who have been swarming the site, hoping for a virginal fuckbuddy to get them a greencard.

ICQ ought to turn a blind eye, however, to privately-called raids, which are normally performed for specific, lawful, and morally upright purposes, such as gassing out a den of muslims.

ISSUE 9: Private bot systems

The demise of Elune, Nimo, BibleBot and other privately loaded bots into various rooms has proved that there isn't a bot made that can't be abused and made to spam or ban itself- ICQ should adopt a simple policy- private bots can be loaded, but they must observe several rules.

a. Private bots must accept commands from any user who prompts it, not just the owner, or a list of users the owner creates.

b. Private bots may not be scripted to deny specific users access to its commands.

c. Private bots should limit entries per second to a level below that which triggers autobot's antispam measures.

d. The owners of private bots shall not bitch about someone getting their bot banned nor should chanops ban any user tormenting a bot.

ISSUE 10: Innovation

ICQ should invest resources in expanding the site, and should lower the necessary traffic level for rooms to be listed. The ICQ main page was designed by autistic gorillas, and should be modernized, cleaned up, the traffic levels updated to give a regularly updating real-time level of present chatters.

The site should consider revising its tagging method also, to increase its competitiveness with other sites.

ISSUE 11: Krauts and Brits

German IP ranges should be banned from the site before they bring their multiculturalist, censorship-loving nonsense to ICQ. British users should be banned should they begin lauding the virtues of censorship and surveillance.

ISSUE 12: #Israel

The #Israel room should be forcibly incorporated into the main rooms list and staffed by actual moderators rather than frenzied Zionists which abuse any user criticizing Zionist foreign or domestic policy. The Israelis there continually attack dissenters, and the JIDF does maintain an active presence both there and in #middle_east. Suspected JIDF members should be banned permanently and their nicknames taken out of use.

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